Heartbeat
by shewhomutters
Summary: This is Lin. This is her lowest point. Set about three months after Toph's death. Toph/Lin, hints of Linzin, Aang father figure.


On weekdays, young Lin Beifong wakes up with the sun.

She puts on her training clothes and leaves the Beifong residence barefooted.

On these mornings she cannot wait to be free.

So she runs. Runs down the streets of Republic City, past the Police Station and the Council Buildings. She runs out of the rich neighborhood, through the poor neighborhood.

Away, away, away.

She breathes hard, sucking in air, feeding her muscles with oxygen.

Out of the city, she hits grass.

Her heart pounds and she pushes herself harder because she knows her limit is much farther away than she thinks. She hasn't reached anything yet.

Faster, stronger, farther...

Her breath hisses through her teeth. She fights through the pain. No breaks. No breaking point. This is nothing.

The fields outside of Republic City are beautiful and green at this time of year. Lin's feet grow damp with dew as she finally breaks out into a sprint, skipping over rocks, avoiding holes.

Before the fields become mountains, they break into hills. Lin forces herself over these first hills, tackling the steeper ones with what can only be described as raw power.

Adrenaline pumps. She has nothing in her thoughts but the stretch in front of her. Finally, she spots it.

There's a large rock approaching in the distance. It sticks out of the ground and looms over her, at least three times her height. Lin snags in more air and runs impossibly faster to reach it.

Lin uses her push to scale the rock. The earthbender lands smoothly on the top.

Now that she's stopped running the real impact of her workout hits her. In a blink she's on her hands and knees, palms to the cool stone, inhaling and exhaling as fast as she can. Lin blinks as sweat runs into her eyes. She lies on her back, chest heaving.

The sun is slightly higher now, the girl feels it on her skin, warming the chill air. She closes her eyes and tries to regain a steady rhythm to her heartbeat.

"_Lin, you shouldn't push yourself so hard. You're going to hurt yourself."_ Toph had warned her daughter a few weeks before the accident.

"_Mother, believe me. This is nothing." _

Toph had been a good teacher. She was hard and demanding but rewarding when it was deserved. Lin had learned everything she knew from her mother. She knew what it took to be tough, she knew what was needed. The young Beifong had even taken more from her lessons with her mother. As a result, she had pushed herself to her limits multiple times. She knew how to bite back the physical pain. She had the emotional stability, not feeling anything when she ran. This was how she did it. This was why she liked it.

She liked not having emotions for at least a while.

Her emotions had always made her hurt. Lin liked them gone.

When she ran she stopped feeling things. She grew numb.

It uncaged her, it brought her mind out of her body.

Lin was free.

Finally breathing normally, the earthbender rolls over onto her stomach. She sets her cheek against the stone, listening, feeling.

She likes this rock because it speaks to her. She knows its heartbeat.

Lin likes heartbeats.

Heartbeats mean that someone is here.

Heartbeats mean that someone is close.

Heartbeats mean that someone is alive.

It is ironic, how the two main someones in Lin's life are now gone. They had simply vanished within a month of each other. She had lost her mother first. Then Tenzin.

Lin pounds the heels of her palms into her eye sockets.

No, she doesn't want to think about this, not now. Not ever.

But it is no use, no matter how many times she thinks she will stop, she can't. She thinks she will stop missing Tenzin. She thinks she will stop grieving for her mother... no matter how many times she tells herself to just forget about it, it just starts all over again.

The young Beifong curls up on her side, hugging herself tightly.

_**Kiddo, you've got to stop doing this to yourself.**_

Lin groans internally at the sound of her mother's voice echoing around inside her head.

_Go away mom, I do what I want now._

Lin can feel her mother's hot temper flaring up.

_**Don't tell me what to do! I'm trying to help you, you know.**_

_Mother, you're really not helping me by bothering me. I'm stubborn, remember? _

Before the vividly imagined Toph can reply, Lin gets up and starts her jog back to the city.

She's practicing her metalbending when her mother kicks in again.

_**Hey, stop that!**_

Lin releases the wires she's been supporting herself on for the past ten minutes. Her muscles stop screaming once she hits the ground.

_Mother! You ruined my concentration._

Lin metalbends the cables to the ceiling again and suspends herself, this time hanging upside down. The blood rushes to her head.

Hold it, breathe, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, in—

_**Baby girl, you are hurting yourself.**_

The younger Beifong tries to block out the voice. She does a few flips and returns to holding herself upside down. Soon enough, Lin starts to shake and her core muscles feel like they are on fire.

She grits her teeth and stays there.

Lin's body begins to rock violently. Her head feels like it is going to explode. Sparkles appear in her vision, swarming like tiny bright fireflies.

_**LIN!**_

The young woman releases the cables and falls. She hits the mats on the training room floor hard. The metalbender swears loudly and gets up, moving to hoist herself to the ceiling again. But as she stands, she stumbles. In a split second she is down on her hands and knees, feeling dizzy.

Lin empties her stomach right on the mats. The stench is nauseating, her eyes water. Just as she promises herself that she will never ever throw-up again, she vomits again into the puddle she's already made.

Lin heaves and chokes as she holds herself up over the pile. Her stomach is empty but angry tears continue to drip into the mess below her.

So weak.

Stop it, Lin. Get up.

The girl tries to stand but slips and falls. Her vision fades and she blacks out.

_Lin feels warm. She feels safe. The young Beifong snuggles deeper into whatever she is laying in. She feels arms around her, cradling her head. One of the hands moves to brush the hair out of her face. Lin opens her eyes._

_Toph Beifong smiles down at her. _

"_Mom?" Lin asks._

"_Hi, baby."_

_Lin sighs and buries her face into her mother's stomach, suppressing a sob._

"_I miss you so much."_

"_I miss you too, baby girl," Toph replies. _

_The woman strokes her daughter's hair. _

"_How are you feeling?"_

"_This hurts, Mom. Why am I so alone? Why is everyone gone?" Lin tries not to cry. She tries not to show so much dysfunction. _

"_I'm so sorry, baby."_

_The young Beifong accidentally lets a sob escape her lips. She heaves in air hurriedly._

"_Lin, look at me."_

_The girl reluctantly turns her face up towards her mother's. Toph's fingers lightly graze over her cheeks, wiping away the wetness. _

"_Baby girl, I know this hurts. I am so sorry I can't do anything to stop the pain. But you have to find a healthier way to cope. This way that you push yourself, it will only kill you."_

_Lin squeezes her eyes shut to mimic how her heart is clenching.._

"_I don't want to cope, Mom. I don't want to feel anything."_

_Toph's face becomes pained for a moment. She rests her fingers at Lin's temples as more hot tears roll down._

"_Lin, feeling things is what makes us who we are. We can learn from our feelings. You need to feel something to survive. I used to think that being tough and a loner was a way for me to stop my feelings. Now I realize that it only just hid them and made me hurt. I know that you miss me now, baby. But someday you won't. You will feel better."_

_Lin shakes her head._

"_I will never forget about you."_

"_I'm not asking you to forget," Toph replies gently. "I'm asking you to ride this out. Stop isolating yourself, let yourself heal. It's been two months, baby girl. The Police Force needs you. People need you."_

"_People needed you, Mom! I still need you!"_

_The elder Beifong winces again and she cradles her daughter tighter._

"_I know. But I can't help what happened to me, baby. I'm dead and gone. Now it is your turn to step up. Please, you need to start moving on, you need to get your life back."_

"_But mom, Tenzin—"_

_Toph puts a hand to her daughter's lips._

"_Tenzin made a jerk move when he did that to you. Also, if I were alive I'd probably kick the living daylights out of him. But he is not worth feeling so heartbroken over. Men are not worth it if they don't stick around. What have I been telling you all these years, kiddo?"_

_Lin lets out a strangled laugh. Toph smiles slightly and presses a light kiss to her daughter's forehead._

"_Are we going to be okay now?"_

_Lin sighs._

"_Mom, I don't want lose your memory. I'm afraid of losing you again."_

_Toph sits her baby up and embraces her._

"_Don't be afraid. You will never forget me, but you will heal. You are going to heal," her mother says._

_Lin sniffs. _

"_I love you Mom."_

"_I love you, my little badgermole."_

The young Beifong wakes with another pair of arms wrapping around her, rescuing her from the sea of vomit she'd been lying in.

She blinks wearily and looks up into the face of an airbender. Aang lifts her and holds her tightly. She can feel his heartbeat. It's soothing. She hasn't felt a heartbeat this close in months. Lin's vision fades a little until she sees Appa approaching. The Avatar lays the girl in the large saddle and throws his cloak around her.

"Dad, is she okay?!" Tenzin's voice rings out from Appa's reins. Aang seems to ignore him as the bison lifts into the air. The Avatar sits beside Lin, supporting her head. He holds her cold fingers in his warm ones.

"It's going to be okay, Lin. We're here with you now. You are not alone."

And Lin can feel the truth in his heartbeat.


End file.
